Tired and Lonesome.

There are days where I feel like quitting. We all know that's not possible but it a strong feeling inside of me that makes me so tired. It's always about this person that kid etc... what about me? I'm not being selfish or so I think but where is my moment? Where is my time out? I'm depressed. I'm emotional I'm at my wits end.

What matters most...

Recently I received a question which left me feeling rather hurt. Someone asked if I was headed back to work and when I replied no, the next question came "what about your career?" This question struck a sensitive point and I was mulling over it for a few days. 

Yes I studied a lot as a student and it was an accomplishment to graduated with high distinctions and a masters degree. Unfortunately I'm at a point in my life where there are things that are more important than the degrees I've achieved in my academic life. To me at this stage, my kids matter the most.

Children grow up too fast. In a blink of an eye they'll be 5/10/15/20 and off to see the world with their own wings. What matters to our family unit now is that we bring the kids up well. By well I mean, instill discipline, good values, develops good characteristics, give them opportunities to explore their individual talents. To be their guidance while they are growing rather than just letting them grow with the flow. Having kids are by choice and personally for me it wasn't easy to conceive. I didn't bring them into this world for someone else to look after. They are mine and it's my responsibility. I'm blessed to have a hubby that has the same mindset and supports the family while I try my best to bring up the kids. I'm not perfect but I'm not just a housewife who sits at home and do nothing all day long. People should stop judging SAHM and/or working mums. We all have our own circumstances. To each his own. 

3.5 months and counting...

Having 3 in the family is such a game changer and I'm not the only one to think that. Hubby was just talking to me and he said the same thing. Right on our minds were the thoughts :"Why didn't anyone warn us how our lives will be topsy turvy with 3?" It's not that we were perfect with 2 but things did seem a lot more managable. Routined. It was a one to one ratio that seemed good.  Even if I was along handling them. It was one hand to one kid that I could grab. Now... Erm I have to grab one and ask the kid to grab the other. While the numbers have changed and there is no going back, hubby said that perhaps no warnings is because while it's tough now, it's gonna be fulfilling  in the long run. Let's hope so! 

The Birth Story

Has it already been 20 days... Oh man sure Time flies.

I had been having tighteness in the pelvic for several days. Nothing regular just normal cramps here and there and thus thought nothing of it.  Thursday night I started to have cramps at about 1am. Tighter but not regular enough and thus slept it off.

On Friday morning and I seemed to have woken an earlier time today instead of my usual drowsy lack of sleep self. Hubby had planned to head into work earlier that morning and I was to send the kiddos to school. After I got out of bed to prep myself , I felt more intense though irregular cramps. Something didn't see right... But nothing big enough to sounds meant the bells to head to the hospital immediately. Moreover I had a pre fixed appointment with DR Tan that morning. The only thing was I asked the hubby :" Is the meeting today very important? Because I don't feel quite right but I'm still okay to go by myself." Thankfully he said ok I think I better not head in today.

We took the 2 kiddos to school followed by a meetup at Newton mrt to transact a sale from the carousell app of Dylan's left over milk powders before heading to the clinic. At the clinic , sister Anna took my BP reading several times with different machines only to get a rather high reading. This scared me though as this has been a major concern throughout the pregnancy.

Saw DR Tan and she once again manually took my blood pressure. She did a check for dilation and the next thing she broke my water bag and I got wheeled straight into the delivery room. From then on it was between contractions that i withstand and at the back of my mind thinking if I should go for epidural. With the high blood pressure in mind, Dr Tan adviced that I should tha take the epidural early to lessen the risk of my contractions pushing the pressure up. My first check of dilation was at the clinic which was 1.5cm. No one checked me after. Was given epidural and was able to order lunch. With lunch ordered I thought it was going to be a long waiting game. Not long after I felt contractions. Was kinda weird. I had epidural, I shouldn't be feeling this. It was intense and more constant. Called for the nurse and she decides to up the epidural and said it will take around 10minutes. But I couldn't wait... It wasn't working. I asked how dilated am I? They did a check and next thing you know, from one nurse to another she said:"you need to get Doctor Tan now!" She meant business... I was fully dilated and suspected that she probably saw the crown of the baby head. I was placed in position for labour and when DR Tan came. She said okay push on your next contraction. With that baby was out. Just one push!!! Even the hubby was surprised given how difficult it was for the earlier 2. Tada!! That was how Baby E was born! 

A Proud Mama.

Today was Little D first day of school. Although it no.2 heading into school, this mummy couldn't help but feel the excitement for him. It's a day that I have been waiting for.... Because of no.3 in the stomach, I was wondering if I was able to head to school to witness my son's first day of school. I'm so happy that I did. 

C and I dropped the kids off in the morning. The drama that I was afraid would happen (it did with no.1) didn't. D was the complete opposite. He was prepared for school. He was what one will describe as ready. I was amazed and a little sad as how ready he was. He went through the health checks and said his goodbyes as though he has already been going to school for a long time. My big boy is all grown up... Aw.... The videos and photos I took of him showed him smiling and beaming as he enters school. So once he was in , we left and I went for breakfast before returning back for pickup at a later time. The feedback from teacher on day 1 was that he is a very secure kid who was able to comprehend and listen to instructions well. How can I not be proud of this little precious baby of mine?. Love you to bits baby!

Truly Blessed

Some might say I'm crazy. A heavily pregnant woman planning a party for a 5 year old kid. Since young I love parties, the more people the merrier. What's important is that everyone has a good time. However one thing about me is I love to throw a good party on a budget. What I mean by budget is to hunt for excellent valued stuff. Not just squander the money away.

This year for R I threw him a home party. We had about 28 kids with parents at grandma's Hse. Everything was home prepared. Nothing catered. I even baked cookies and his birthday cake which was a success! 

On the actual day, I had a few close friends come over to join him at the playground followed by macs for a short lunch before heading back to our place for play dates. Evening was spent with grandma having crab at long beach.

Multiple celebrations just for a little kiddo. If anyone ask why the effort for so many things, I'll say because he is my son and he is definitely worth celebrating for. 

Life of a military's wife.

You are 1st in his heart but never always first. There are a g-zillion things that are always cropping up before he can spend some time with you. It's not a 8am-5pm job... It's a 24 hour job. You will feel lonely at times but you'll survive. Not because you want to but because you have to. The men can't afford you to be clingy, suspicious or needy. In this relationship you have as a military wife you have to be understanding 99% of the time. Seems like a bad deal.. Well it is. We'll pay crazy last minute high airfares and accommodation fees just to spend some time away from the "national duty" but yet we still wouldn't have him 100%. There will be at least 10 messages even for a 2D 1N trip... If he weren't in the miltary, you might think he's having an affair. Locally, its worst... Mon to Fri, if you want a dinner date or even a meal at home, be prepared to starve or have it at 10pm if you are luckily. If it's not work, it'll be someone else's farewell, COC, funeral wake. Weekends are filled with someone's full month / child's first birthday / golf and so on. You'll be lucky to spend 1 day out of the week with him. Then again that day has to be shared with his family and your kids... So when do you really come into the picture? Can you deal with being married yet lonely at the same time? I'm pretty sure he feels lonely too...