Am I a Bad Mummy?

Its just over 3 weeks now that Baby Ryan has entered our lives. Things have changed a lot. My whole life now only has one focus and its Ryan and his needs. A little helpless baby who depends on his cries to communicate with the adults around him. At times its hard to tell what he needs or wants, but I try my best.

My first instinct is that he is always hungry. I mean what more can babies want besides milk, sleep and a diaper change. Since he wakes from his sleep that probably means it could be either of the two. Hunger beats a diaper change I reckon thus I often put him to feed first. The past few days have been difficult. He wakes very often every hour or so even at night. At times I wonder if I'm over feeding him causing him a tummy ache. He suckles very well as though he's hungry but i realised that that may not be the case as he suckles then somewhat cringes and stretches which is not normal. I thought at first perhaps its a growing stage where he really needs to stretch.. at times he lets out a short cry as well. Being a first time mummy, i didn't really know what was going on. Soon he started to spit milk out. It didn't concern me that much as spitting is a normal syndrome of some babies. As he doesn't cry incessantly i did rule out colic or trap wind. I started burping him but i rarely hear a burp even after 10 mins. It was till last night that I saw a projectile vomit that I got scared. What was wrong with baby? Am i over feeding him, but he shows signs of hunger everytime I carry him from his cot... so if I don't feed him what can it be? Am i a bad mummy who cause this discomfort to my precious baby? I'm not rushing off to the PD once again. Gonna start monitoring him first.

I'm really thankful for my mum. Though she's often over excited and kan cheong over the baby. Her presence makes me calmer when dealing with the baby. She helps in my thought processes especially in the middle of the night when I'm alone with baby and such problems occur. She has suggested that I start burping baby on my shoulder instead of the sitting up right position and continue to monitor... So far it has worked. Baby has been asleep since 8+ this morning till now 11+ without a wake to feed yet. Must have been the overfed milk that is still in his tummy keeping him comfortable. Longest time he has every slept.

Oh I just jinxed it.. he's crying. Off for a feed. Till next week.

A mummy of TWO weeks and counting.....

Has it already been two weeks, I ask myself. It seemed only like yesterday that I had baby wee inside my tummy showing off his Kungfu moves.



Having him in my arms in a real joy. His angelic face melts my heart each time I look at him. No matter how tough being a mom is. I will try my very best to be his best mum.



The past 2 weeks has been topsy turvy for me. It seem like I had to learn so suddenly. It wasn't easy for me or my hubby. There's a saying that no matter how much prep you do, there is nothing in this world that can prepare you for parenthood. All my months of reading the books to understand babies and what to expect from little baby Ryan seemed to have been flushed out my system when i PUSHED him out. My mind now is a mental blank on what I read. I learnt to be a mom through hands on experience over the past 2 weeks plus.



Things that have happened so far:

1) Gush of blood on day 4/5- Lochia which gave me a scare when I went to the toilet cos I've never seen so much blood in my life before. At that very moment, I thought I was going to bleed to death. I was still hurting from my sore wound then. Went to the toilet thinking I had constipation and decided to give a little push and GUSH came out lots of blood. I got so scared I was crying and had to go to the hospital at 4am in the morning.



2) Breastfeeding: I'm one of the lucky mummies who have a supply of milk for my baby. I was often worried about not being able to supply Baby Ryan with milk. Afterall breast milk is the best for babies at least for the first year. Whether I'm able to do it for the year I don't know but I'll try as long as possible at least till i start working next April. Before birth, I already noticed colostrum. To mummies out there, I was adviced by nurse at my gynae to start massaging since week 37. On day 3 after birth, while i was still in hospital (luckily we made the decision to stay an additional night to get me to recover better before heading home) I experience some slight engorgement. Thankfully the nurse at TMC was able to help me and asked me to pump to release the milk. On day 3 I was already pumping 30ml. That's good supply said the nurse and the docs to me. So far supply has been sufficient for his demands, lets hopes it continues.



3) Heat Rash & Nasal Congestion: After a particular someone visited, Ryan had heat rash the very next day and nasal congestion the day after. WHY? All because the particular someone who was inconsiderate enough to come visit even though she was sick and brought her kids who were also sick direct from childcare to visit Ryan. HOW inconsiderate can someone get? Heat Rash was not her fault but the sight of the rash scared me into thinking it could be HFMD. Luckily not. I noticed then that Ryan had difficulty breathing as though nose was slightly blocked on a Friday night. Brought him to the PD to get a check and he had some nasal congestion. Being only 15 days old, there was no medicine that could be prescribed to him. Thus had to use saline and apparatus to suck out the mucus. After 2 days of diligence in monitoring him, THANK GOD he's much better. It was horendous having to go through those two days.



4) Baby's First Month Party : I planned this sooo long ago but having Ryan fallen sick with the nasal congestion, hubby and I have decided to scrape this plan. Having a party for 160+ people is really not worth the risk for my baby's health. Deep inside I really want to have a party for him... but how can I cut down the numbers... Relatives, Friends... who to invite who not to invite. Is this really a ALL or Nothing case... so damn vexed over this. The decision now is to scrape the whole event but I'm really longing for a party to show off my handsome prince.



5)Confinement: Generally I'm okay with it but I think its not healthy for my mental state of mind. Why so? I have little help and I'm the only care giver to Ryan at home. My duties started the day I came home from hospital and its still on going. Though I'm staying at my mum's place. Mum has no experience in caring for infants/kids. Thus she can only carry him for a short while or watch over him as he sleeps while i rest for a little while. Food wise normal nutritious food but nothing really confinement like as i expected it to be. Mum bought a book to follow but I've not really seen any of the dishes yet.



6) Post Natal Blue: Admittedly I have it. I know i do and I shan't deny it. Even the PD mentioned that I looked really tired and need a lot of rest. Thanks Dr Nancy Tan for your care and concern.



I'm still learning how to be a mum. I hope I can be a good mum to baby ryan.



Till I have time for my next post.

♥ Mummy of Baby R