The Guilt Trip....

Being a mother of one is not easy, being a mother of 2 is even tougher.

Little R has been sick since yesterday. It started with a cough, fever and an insect bite to the eye. 3 different symptoms unrelated all upon the poor boy. Nobody likes being sick thus R was a little cranky. He misses home (currently staying at mum's due to some pipe repair at home), quarantined from baby D and doesn't get to see mummy much as she's often busy with baby D's needs.

I feel slightly guilty about not being there for him. Previously when he was sick he always looked for mummy to seek comfort yet this time round he hardly has mummy with him. I try my best if I'm not nursing baby d but u know all about timing it must always somehow coincide. I was happy to spend about 20mins with him in the playroom today. He enjoyed my company and was ever so ready to drop is toys that he was holding and gave me a hug when i asked for it. My little angel. I looked at him and thought to myself, he's only little once and i miss him already .its not the i love baby d any less but having spent so much time with R in the last 2 years and suddenly not being able to spend enough time in the last 2 weeks just makes me a little emotional. I know things will get better as baby D grows and I'll love both my boys equally. Just hope that in the process of managing both, little R doesn't feel that mummy loves him any less.

To my kids if you ever get to read this in the future, i bore you, I love you, never ever doubt that. You will never know the sacrifices that I've made but everything that i have done and will do will be for you.

With Love
Mummy to Baby R and Baby D

Day 18...

I'm finally getting into the routine. Little R being already 2 years + I've forgotten what it's like having to meet the needs of a newborn.

It's slightly easier yet different. Easier because I'm less anxious / flustered over each whimper and cry. My experience with #1 has taught me to listen wait before reacting. Hubby dearest has also been more hands on being an experience daddy often helping out with #1.

Difficult because both brothers often seem to be cahoots during bedtime. Both wanting and needing mummy's attention at the very same time. One will be hungry although he fed an hour ago and the other will just want mummy and no one else to pat him to sleep. There's also the management of #1 whose limelight has some what been stolen. Mischievous deeds begin, self infliction of pain such as smacking his own head really hard to seek attention. Apart from this, there's also the most difficult task of them all. Dealing with traditional confinement of not showering, feeling like crap due to fatigue and the post partum blues due to some let down of hormones. How does one actually survive all this?? It's not easy but thankful with the help of smart phones, Internet connection and social networking sites, i have google to provide me info on doubts that i have and my mothers support network of mummies going through similar situations.

Today marks Day 18 of confinement.10 more days and I'm done till the next baby if we decide to have another....