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Thursday, October 3, 2013

God sent me two Angels.

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Haven't had an entry in the last 2 months or so. September had been one of the toughest time. Dealing with the kids falling sick esp R who had a viral fever that went off and on for 3 weeks. D caught it as well but thankfully only the cough and a little of the runny nose. I too came down with flu in the final weeks of their recovery.

Mum has not been well either. One thing after another and it seems like no one has a solution to help her. We can only be there for her and pray hard that she'll recover from whatever she's suffering from.

I on the other hand have been taking leave here and there while I was back at work just to help manage the household at home. It's been tough to the point that I've opted to go ahead with a no pay leave for 3 months starting 1st Oct 2013 till 31st Dec then we'll see how from there. It's hard to come to this decision but I don't really have a choice. Family over work. Someone needs to look after them.. My kids and my mum.

All I can do is to be there and pray that things will get better. 

Amidst everything, I'm glad to have my two angels and a supportive husband.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Baby D

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Dearest Baby D,
This blog post is dedicated to you. Mummy is currently feeling so much love for you. You are the sweetest thing. Today we went for 2 play dates with kor kor's friends and a trip to mummy's Uni friend's Hse, both times you were an absolute angel who was well behaved even though at times you were really tired. Mummy thanks you for being such an independent baby. Loving the cuddles and smiles that you bring to my life each day, I don't know how I'm going to return to work next week without you. Kisses for now.

Love Mummy

Monday, August 5, 2013

I'm no superwoman...

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It's tough being a mum. The expectations always seem to be never ending. How do you really know if you are doing well enough? Currently I'm on my extended maternity leave and during this period of time, the running of the household has seemed to have fallen on my shoulders. I used to be dependent on my mum to do the ferrying of R to and from school. However I've been doing it as well as taking care of him after school as well as running some of the household errands for mum. It's really not easy and I'm thankful to mum for helping me out all this time while I was working. Now with R n D it's even harder tougher... Family members have been hinting for me to resign to take care of my own kids and to spend time with my mum as well... I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders and I dun really know what decision I should make... It's easy for people to say that family comes first but am I ready to give up working? I really dunno... Running everything being responsible for kids and everything else seems tougher more demanding... Am I ready?

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Do You Remember Your Childhood??

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As much as I try to remember mine, it seems rather vague. Not sure if its due to the pregnancy brain cell memory loss effect or I didn't have many exciting memories to begin with. All I recall most of the time was watching tv, napping, occasional water play in the backyard and running around in the garden.

Looking at my kiddo (currently only 1 is highly active and mobile), what I want to do is to create happy memories for him. This June was his very first school holidays. I'm really glad that I coincidentally was on leave to take him out instead of being cooped up at grandma's. 

Week 1: I realize his restlessness in being at home. There was really nothing much to do yet he found some toy to play or started exploring tricks and stunts that were unknowing to him to be dangerous. As days passed, he grew cheekier and cheekier. Managed to bring him to a few free indoor playgrounds for him to fuel his energy into some physical development.

Week 2: This week was awesome as I didn't need to crack my brains on what to do with him as I signed him up for a week of holiday class at JG which he thoroughly enjoyed!

Week 3: Though there were plans made, most had to be cancelled as the PSI in Singapore crossed the unhealthy levels and kiddos were best kept indoors. Time was filled with cartoons and DVDs but I made the effort to get him involved in a little baking which he enjoyed. To keep him happy I also cooked meals which he rarely got to eat at my mums. Pasta and more pasta as it is currently his favourite.

Week 4: This week he had 2 play dates organized. Both at Sing Kids Play System as I bought the vouchers prior to the sch hols and wanted to ensure I used them before they expired. Went to the united square one on tues with cousin Cheryl and on fri we headed to the vivo city branch with BFF Declan. Both times R really enjoyed himself to the maximum. He's become more cheeky and sociable. He says hi willingly on his own when he sees someone familiar... He's also starting to try to engage others in conversations. When he's at play alone, he'll also turn ordinary household items into lions and fishing rods and monsters... He's at a stage where I feel nurturing him is most important. I really want him to just enjoy his childhood and not limit his imagination. 

As a parent I started to smack or raise my voice when I hit my limit but I realize that through the eyes of my child, he doesn't understand why he got smacked. Instead to him i turned into a monster that frightened him. I've also learnt this holiday that discipline is done to instill appropriate behaviour and the fact that for every action there is a consequence and NOT fear or to cause pain. My purpose as a parent is to explain to the child why certain actions are wrong and what are the consequences instead of merely saying if you do this I'm going to smack you. It's not easy but I'm trying and learning at the same time. There are times where I've lost my cool and became a monster and saw the fear in my child's eyes. It's something that has struck my heart strings and I'm sorry to my child for those incidences. I'm glad that even with the occasional monster that appeared, he still loves me dearly and a hug and kisses brings back our bond as mother and child. Seeing his smiles, feeling his warm hugs and kisses is what makes motherhood worthwhile. 

To my kiddos, I love you more than you can ever imagine. It's a learning process but every moment with you is worthwhile. Hope to be the best mum I can be to you.

Love
Mummy

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Empty promises...

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This is a rather sad post as I'm feeling emo right now... Dunno if its hormonal or what but I'm really pissed and tired of everything.

Is it me or do all mothers out there do the same? Day in day out the kids stick to me, be it feeding, showering or bed time... Sometimes occasional help will be good but usually when the kids kick up a fuss the reply comes with a shrug and the word "he only wants you". Where's the effort? 

While attending to one I thought that by the time I'm done with the feeding that the other will be asleep by then, instead I find the father asleep and the kid still awake sitting up on the bed waiting for me. I spend at least another hour of my rest time coaxing him to sleep.

Often you say things like let's have that ice-cream or watch that DVD but when all the chores are done and the kids are asleep, you too are already deep in slumber. What about spending some time with me? Words to me are cheap and no longer holds any more value cos it goes up in hot air the moment it's released from your lips....

Here I am once again feeling taken for granted....

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Guilt Trip....

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Being a mother of one is not easy, being a mother of 2 is even tougher.

Little R has been sick since yesterday. It started with a cough, fever and an insect bite to the eye. 3 different symptoms unrelated all upon the poor boy. Nobody likes being sick thus R was a little cranky. He misses home (currently staying at mum's due to some pipe repair at home), quarantined from baby D and doesn't get to see mummy much as she's often busy with baby D's needs.

I feel slightly guilty about not being there for him. Previously when he was sick he always looked for mummy to seek comfort yet this time round he hardly has mummy with him. I try my best if I'm not nursing baby d but u know all about timing it must always somehow coincide. I was happy to spend about 20mins with him in the playroom today. He enjoyed my company and was ever so ready to drop is toys that he was holding and gave me a hug when i asked for it. My little angel. I looked at him and thought to myself, he's only little once and i miss him already .its not the i love baby d any less but having spent so much time with R in the last 2 years and suddenly not being able to spend enough time in the last 2 weeks just makes me a little emotional. I know things will get better as baby D grows and I'll love both my boys equally. Just hope that in the process of managing both, little R doesn't feel that mummy loves him any less.

To my kids if you ever get to read this in the future, i bore you, I love you, never ever doubt that. You will never know the sacrifices that I've made but everything that i have done and will do will be for you.

With Love
Mummy to Baby R and Baby D

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Day 18...

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I'm finally getting into the routine. Little R being already 2 years + I've forgotten what it's like having to meet the needs of a newborn.

It's slightly easier yet different. Easier because I'm less anxious / flustered over each whimper and cry. My experience with #1 has taught me to listen wait before reacting. Hubby dearest has also been more hands on being an experience daddy often helping out with #1.

Difficult because both brothers often seem to be cahoots during bedtime. Both wanting and needing mummy's attention at the very same time. One will be hungry although he fed an hour ago and the other will just want mummy and no one else to pat him to sleep. There's also the management of #1 whose limelight has some what been stolen. Mischievous deeds begin, self infliction of pain such as smacking his own head really hard to seek attention. Apart from this, there's also the most difficult task of them all. Dealing with traditional confinement of not showering, feeling like crap due to fatigue and the post partum blues due to some let down of hormones. How does one actually survive all this?? It's not easy but thankful with the help of smart phones, Internet connection and social networking sites, i have google to provide me info on doubts that i have and my mothers support network of mummies going through similar situations.

Today marks Day 18 of confinement.10 more days and I'm done till the next baby if we decide to have another....

 

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