5 Years and Counting...

This post is one day late but I'll still post it anyway. Yesterday was a special day to me because it was the day 5 years ago when i decided to get married and be committed to my then boyfriend and now husband.

The fire of romance will dwindle with age but I'm contented with what with have achieved as a couple to date. We are just like any other couple. Through the past 5 years, we've fought, argued, said things we've regretted but most of all we've loved. Love and commitment is what has seen us through the years and will see us through the lifetime.

I'll like to admit that I'm not the most religious Christian around but its often in my quiet moments like this that I'll like to take time to Thank God. I truly believe that everything that has happened in my life was all planned by HIM from the very start. Although it is said that we are made perfect by the potter's hand and in God's eyes, i know that I still have my flaws. The both of us are not perfect individuals but definately a perfect fit as a couple. In this lifetime I'm thankful for then opportunity given to work as a team to raise our kids in a place we call home.

We celebrates our anniversary with a massage followed by dinner and a musical. Musicals is something we both enjoy and indulge in. Yesterday is one of the rare few ocassional where we could let Little R spend the night at his grandparents and have a date night out. We watched Jersey Boys! I simply love date nights where time and focus is spent only on just the 2 of us.

Another heart breaking moment.....

Papa has been away for the past 5 days. He's finally coming home tonight. Yippee for me and baby R. Little R misses Papa lots. Been picking up the house phone to imitate calling his papa and blabbering "putehteh putehteh" lots into the phone (I think its his special way of saying I LOVE YOU, we are not sure where he picked it up from but he's been using his own language to say this for a very long time).

The start of the week has not been easy. As I have early morning classes on Mondays, I was unable to take Little R to school. After a 2 day break over the weekend, we started at square 1 all over again. There's the drama of handing him over to the teacher at the drop off point each day. He'll cry and struggle till his face is all red and teary and it breaks my heart to be there watching him being "taken" from me.

Today was no different. We woke, had our little conversations in bed before getting up for a shower and getting him changed into his uniform. After which he headed downstairs to the playroom to play his puzzle. After my breakfast, I went into the playroom to say "Okay dear, i think its time to go to school." and the reply i got was "no..... no school... market?" He was indicating that he wanted to go to the market instead of school. Day 4 and he's starting to not want to go school from inside the house. I managed to convince him to put on his socks and shoes and into the car. As we were driving to school, I tried to make the journey a pleasant one for him. Sang with him all his favourite songs and he was smiling away in the car. However the moment when I made the turn into the lane that lead to the school, he said "noooo... mummy noooo..." I had to tell him that I was going to follow him and wait with him for his teacher. While waiting I offered him a Yakult and spoke good things about the school as well as showed him how happy the kiddos were to attend school. There were many kids streaming in with their parents with smiles on their faces running and jumping happily. He was just sitting on my lap watching them and pouting away. Then came the time for the health check. He was slightly reluctant but still walked through the checked and followed the instructions. When the time came to hand him over to the teacher-in-charge, he started crying and struggling. The teacher had to carry him.While struggling he managed to fling off his school bag and school shoes. Although in my heart I know that he'll be fine after 10-15mins of crying in class, but at that point my heart literally broke. I became emotionally and started to tear.

While driving to the office, I thought to myself... was all that really necessary? Is it really going to be only a short term that he's going to cry and it'll all be better after a while? Is he too young for school since he only turned 2 like in nov last year? Why am I putting him through such agony? Sigh...

For now as my heart feels the pain my mind tells me that I can only wait and trust. Not only trust the teachers in school but trust that my little boy will adapt and school is good for him.
"Dear Lord,
This is my prayer to you. I'll first like to give Thanks for getting Little R a place in our desired school. It was a waiting game but we placed our trust in you and our prayers were answered. I'll like to now pray for Little R that he see the school as a place he can have fun and be independent. I pray that he'll enjoy school and the activities taught by the teachers. He'll make friends and have the love and want to go to school each morning. I pray for the morning dramas to end and that each car ride we take together to and from school will be a meaningful bonding time between parent/grandparent and child. I lift my worries unto the Lord and trust that you will always be watching over my child and our family.

In Jesus Most Precious Name
Amen."

A new phase in life...

Tomorrow marks a new milestone for Little R. He's starting school for the first time... this time on his own little 2 feet. For month's I've been telling him that he'll have to be a brave little boy and go to school by himself to meet new friends and teachers. Just as he cannot follow mummy to work, mummy also cannot go with him to school. We'll see how it goes.

Mummy's more anxious than him. Though he's only 2 years old. Its seems like he's already all grown up. Mummy's got to be BRAVE BRAVE BRAVE!!!

A Mother’s Dilemma…

Recently, leaving for working in the morning is a daily tussle between my son. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m in my final trimester that he is getting more attached or it’s a phase that he’s just going through as part of the “terrific twos.” Whichever it is, today’s  episode has been the most heart wrenching so far. I believe in not disappearing from sight as I just simply feel that it’s not right to do so.  So every morning I’ll spend some time with him before telling him that mummy’s got to go to work now, can I get a Hug and Kiss and I’ll see you when I get back? It used to work with him saying “bye” and I can walk out of the door with no tears until lately. Today was no different, he plopped himself on my lap and said “nooooo… mummy come” and held onto my fingers tightly not willing to let me go to work. Then the fateful moment where the words I didn’t believe came out. I hugged him and said “Mummy has to go to work to earn money so that I can buy you toys and all the nice stuff ok?” His eyes turned red and teary as he replied: “Nooo… mummy….  no… don’t want. “ It was at this moment that I knew he needed more of my presence than any of the material gifts that money could buy. It was at this moment that my heart broke into a thousand pieces….

We often think about how we need to keep working to provide a better quality of life for our children (e.g. enrichment class, toys etc) but have you ever sat down to think about what they really need is not the stuff we can provide but rather the presence and comfort that we as parents provide to them.