Another heart breaking moment.....

Papa has been away for the past 5 days. He's finally coming home tonight. Yippee for me and baby R. Little R misses Papa lots. Been picking up the house phone to imitate calling his papa and blabbering "putehteh putehteh" lots into the phone (I think its his special way of saying I LOVE YOU, we are not sure where he picked it up from but he's been using his own language to say this for a very long time).

The start of the week has not been easy. As I have early morning classes on Mondays, I was unable to take Little R to school. After a 2 day break over the weekend, we started at square 1 all over again. There's the drama of handing him over to the teacher at the drop off point each day. He'll cry and struggle till his face is all red and teary and it breaks my heart to be there watching him being "taken" from me.

Today was no different. We woke, had our little conversations in bed before getting up for a shower and getting him changed into his uniform. After which he headed downstairs to the playroom to play his puzzle. After my breakfast, I went into the playroom to say "Okay dear, i think its time to go to school." and the reply i got was "no..... no school... market?" He was indicating that he wanted to go to the market instead of school. Day 4 and he's starting to not want to go school from inside the house. I managed to convince him to put on his socks and shoes and into the car. As we were driving to school, I tried to make the journey a pleasant one for him. Sang with him all his favourite songs and he was smiling away in the car. However the moment when I made the turn into the lane that lead to the school, he said "noooo... mummy noooo..." I had to tell him that I was going to follow him and wait with him for his teacher. While waiting I offered him a Yakult and spoke good things about the school as well as showed him how happy the kiddos were to attend school. There were many kids streaming in with their parents with smiles on their faces running and jumping happily. He was just sitting on my lap watching them and pouting away. Then came the time for the health check. He was slightly reluctant but still walked through the checked and followed the instructions. When the time came to hand him over to the teacher-in-charge, he started crying and struggling. The teacher had to carry him.While struggling he managed to fling off his school bag and school shoes. Although in my heart I know that he'll be fine after 10-15mins of crying in class, but at that point my heart literally broke. I became emotionally and started to tear.

While driving to the office, I thought to myself... was all that really necessary? Is it really going to be only a short term that he's going to cry and it'll all be better after a while? Is he too young for school since he only turned 2 like in nov last year? Why am I putting him through such agony? Sigh...

For now as my heart feels the pain my mind tells me that I can only wait and trust. Not only trust the teachers in school but trust that my little boy will adapt and school is good for him.
"Dear Lord,
This is my prayer to you. I'll first like to give Thanks for getting Little R a place in our desired school. It was a waiting game but we placed our trust in you and our prayers were answered. I'll like to now pray for Little R that he see the school as a place he can have fun and be independent. I pray that he'll enjoy school and the activities taught by the teachers. He'll make friends and have the love and want to go to school each morning. I pray for the morning dramas to end and that each car ride we take together to and from school will be a meaningful bonding time between parent/grandparent and child. I lift my worries unto the Lord and trust that you will always be watching over my child and our family.

In Jesus Most Precious Name
Amen."