Moment to Treasure....

I'm in Love. Yes that's right I'm in Love with my husband and my kids. Nothing makes me more happy than being able to be with them. As much as I've had the toughest decision to tender in January, being a SAHM for the past 3 Mths have given me moments which I would definately have missed if I was at work. Just today my little 3 year old decided before his afternoon nap to play treasure hunter. With his fingers mimicking a binoculars, he went around the room in search of his treasure. He then came right up to me open his arms hugged me and said :"mummy I found treasure!" The gleam in his eyes and the sparkling white teeth made me feel wonderful at that moment. He's growing up too fast! Soon I'll be missing his cuddles and kisses.

The younger one on the other hand is growing up as well. Can't believe that he's turning one in 2 weeks time! Busy busy planning for his party. He's been a real gem. His smiles are wonderful and his hugs are so sincere. What I enjoy most about him are his need to cuddle mum at night. He's starting to walk so much that I'm already missing his crawling and just sitting there stages. Blabbling and learning to be involved in conversations. Loving the little one.

Hubby has been busy on weekdays but weekends are always good with him around. I love us as couple and as parents to the lovely two boys. He's a great dad and I know he has a soft spot not only for me but for the mischievous lovely monkeys.

Love

Mummy of R&D

Just a miserable liar....

My emotions are in a state of turmoil right now. I just tendered my job last Friday after a long battle of thoughts and considerations. At the end of the day, I really feel sad about it. The people who are involved in my thought process seem to take it so easy... No one really ask how I feel. I feel like I didn't really have a choice. I feel upset although taking care of my kids should be my priority but am I suppose to be happy about not working for a period of time? What am I going to do? How do I earn my own keep without relying on anyone else? What's gonna happen? Success or multiple failures to come before me? How do I strive to be able to provides kids the best stuff? I'm just lost... I'm not dissing any SAHM here as I know it's hard work sacrificing everything for the kids but will I degenerate, have no friends and no life. Will all the years I spent studying just go to waste. Attaining my masters was my proudest moment in life... But what now?  Do I have the capability to attain the expectations set by others around me or will I just be viewed useless and a bum?

God I need u to guide me and give me strength for what lies ahead....

My Rays of Sunshine.

I Thank God for my family.  

For those who don't know how I met my husband, it was a miracle. I truly believe that God's hand was in our coincidental meeting at the most unexpected location.

We are not perfect on our own but we fit each other perfectly like two pieces of jigsaw.  With him, we have two lovely boys, of each different characters but charming in their own way. 

R's almost 3 and he has evolved into a really nice big brother with the existence of didi. I can't believe that he has already completed his first year of school. Such a big boy. Currently he's being toilet trained. More success than accidents so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

D just turned 8 months. I'm a little guilty for neglecting here and there but I'm trying my best to juggle everything. My smiley baby is one of the cutest in the world ( I bet every mom says the same). He's begun to coo a lot and can comprehend simple instructions. Eating well so far and in terms of physical development he has started to stand with support from his cot. I love him to bits even though at times he wakes at unearthly hours to want to play with me. 

This is my family. My Rays of Sunshine.

Wishing for a normal life...

What's normal to you? Everyone has a different definition of normal but for me I don't mind just leading a life with my kids, not worries no stress... Is this even possible I wonder? No worries no stress I highly doubt so.  The last few week/months have been stressful. Stressed to the point I feel that that somehow I have changed a little. I'm less tolerant and more jumpy... I rarely smile. I miss smiling really happily. I miss being carefree. Don't carefree doesn't mean kids free. I love my kids to bits and there is nothing about them that I will change. Not being happy affects me affects them. I want to be the best mum to them yet I'm affected by trying to be the best daughter to my mum. Her condition is improving but the tensions and vibes in the house just drives me insane. I cry out loud inside my head. At times I hear my inner self screaming to the highest pitch with all my strength but outside not a sound. It's hard... So hard and I'm often tired but I'm thankful for my husband who is my rock in the midst of the storm.

God sent me two Angels.

Haven't had an entry in the last 2 months or so. September had been one of the toughest time. Dealing with the kids falling sick esp R who had a viral fever that went off and on for 3 weeks. D caught it as well but thankfully only the cough and a little of the runny nose. I too came down with flu in the final weeks of their recovery.

Mum has not been well either. One thing after another and it seems like no one has a solution to help her. We can only be there for her and pray hard that she'll recover from whatever she's suffering from.

I on the other hand have been taking leave here and there while I was back at work just to help manage the household at home. It's been tough to the point that I've opted to go ahead with a no pay leave for 3 months starting 1st Oct 2013 till 31st Dec then we'll see how from there. It's hard to come to this decision but I don't really have a choice. Family over work. Someone needs to look after them.. My kids and my mum.

All I can do is to be there and pray that things will get better. 

Amidst everything, I'm glad to have my two angels and a supportive husband.

Baby D

Dearest Baby D,

This blog post is dedicated to you. Mummy is currently feeling so much love for you. You are the sweetest thing. Today we went for 2 play dates with kor kor's friends and a trip to mummy's Uni friend's Hse, both times you were an absolute angel who was well behaved even though at times you were really tired. Mummy thanks you for being such an independent baby. Loving the cuddles and smiles that you bring to my life each day, I don't know how I'm going to return to work next week without you. Kisses for now.

Love Mummy

I'm no superwoman...

It's tough being a mum. The expectations always seem to be never ending. How do you really know if you are doing well enough? Currently I'm on my extended maternity leave and during this period of time, the running of the household has seemed to have fallen on my shoulders. I used to be dependent on my mum to do the ferrying of R to and from school. However I've been doing it as well as taking care of him after school as well as running some of the household errands for mum. It's really not easy and I'm thankful to mum for helping me out all this time while I was working. Now with R n D it's even harder tougher... Family members have been hinting for me to resign to take care of my own kids and to spend time with my mum as well... I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders and I dun really know what decision I should make... It's easy for people to say that family comes first but am I ready to give up working? I really dunno... Running everything being responsible for kids and everything else seems tougher more demanding... Am I ready?