Being a mother of one is not easy, being a mother of 2 is even tougher.
Little R has been sick since yesterday. It started with a cough, fever and an insect bite to the eye. 3 different symptoms unrelated all upon the poor boy. Nobody likes being sick thus R was a little cranky. He misses home (currently staying at mum's due to some pipe repair at home), quarantined from baby D and doesn't get to see mummy much as she's often busy with baby D's needs.
I feel slightly guilty about not being there for him. Previously when he was sick he always looked for mummy to seek comfort yet this time round he hardly has mummy with him. I try my best if I'm not nursing baby d but u know all about timing it must always somehow coincide. I was happy to spend about 20mins with him in the playroom today. He enjoyed my company and was ever so ready to drop is toys that he was holding and gave me a hug when i asked for it. My little angel. I looked at him and thought to myself, he's only little once and i miss him already .its not the i love baby d any less but having spent so much time with R in the last 2 years and suddenly not being able to spend enough time in the last 2 weeks just makes me a little emotional. I know things will get better as baby D grows and I'll love both my boys equally. Just hope that in the process of managing both, little R doesn't feel that mummy loves him any less.
To my kids if you ever get to read this in the future, i bore you, I love you, never ever doubt that. You will never know the sacrifices that I've made but everything that i have done and will do will be for you.
With Love
Mummy to Baby R and Baby D
LIttle Ryan's Counter
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Day 18...
I'm finally getting into the routine. Little R being already 2 years + I've forgotten what it's like having to meet the needs of a newborn.
It's slightly easier yet different. Easier because I'm less anxious / flustered over each whimper and cry. My experience with #1 has taught me to listen wait before reacting. Hubby dearest has also been more hands on being an experience daddy often helping out with #1.
Difficult because both brothers often seem to be cahoots during bedtime. Both wanting and needing mummy's attention at the very same time. One will be hungry although he fed an hour ago and the other will just want mummy and no one else to pat him to sleep. There's also the management of #1 whose limelight has some what been stolen. Mischievous deeds begin, self infliction of pain such as smacking his own head really hard to seek attention. Apart from this, there's also the most difficult task of them all. Dealing with traditional confinement of not showering, feeling like crap due to fatigue and the post partum blues due to some let down of hormones. How does one actually survive all this?? It's not easy but thankful with the help of smart phones, Internet connection and social networking sites, i have google to provide me info on doubts that i have and my mothers support network of mummies going through similar situations.
Today marks Day 18 of confinement.10 more days and I'm done till the next baby if we decide to have another....
It's slightly easier yet different. Easier because I'm less anxious / flustered over each whimper and cry. My experience with #1 has taught me to listen wait before reacting. Hubby dearest has also been more hands on being an experience daddy often helping out with #1.
Difficult because both brothers often seem to be cahoots during bedtime. Both wanting and needing mummy's attention at the very same time. One will be hungry although he fed an hour ago and the other will just want mummy and no one else to pat him to sleep. There's also the management of #1 whose limelight has some what been stolen. Mischievous deeds begin, self infliction of pain such as smacking his own head really hard to seek attention. Apart from this, there's also the most difficult task of them all. Dealing with traditional confinement of not showering, feeling like crap due to fatigue and the post partum blues due to some let down of hormones. How does one actually survive all this?? It's not easy but thankful with the help of smart phones, Internet connection and social networking sites, i have google to provide me info on doubts that i have and my mothers support network of mummies going through similar situations.
Today marks Day 18 of confinement.10 more days and I'm done till the next baby if we decide to have another....
Monday, March 25, 2013
Growing Up a little to fast....
Today marks the day that my little precious R who turned 2 not too long ago (1 month and 2 weeks to be exact) begins his school journey. For months i've been prepping him for this day, the person whom I forgot to prep was myself. Since yesterday evening I was already feeling so much anxiety over ensuring that he has everything that he needs for school in his bag. From tagging his uniform to labelling the bottles and getting him to take responsibility of packing his own school bag as well as ironing his uniform. Even hubby commented that "WoW its been ages since you held an iron." The maternal protective instinct is coming out I guess, ensuring that his first day of school will be perfect. After hubby and son fell asleep, i laid awake throughout the night often turning to look at the clock. It was as though it was my own very first day at school... Can't imagine what i'll be like on on night before my son's first exam, wedding etc...
This morning was perfect. The weather was cool and slightly gloomy but I knew that he'll be okay. He was happy and excited for school. Took a shower then carried his own uniform to get changed and had his hair nicely comb before looking at the special sandwiches that mummy prepared for him in his brand new lunch box. Sandwiches shaped like stars and hearts for his special day. Took a few snapshots for memories and off to school we went.
We arrived early at the school and therefore got a parking lot. Walked him to the drop off point and through the health check point and off he was holding the teacher's hand. After a while the teacher guided him into the lift and off he was independently on his own with the teachers whom i have to trust will take good care of my precious. While he was brave throughout the entire process, mummy couldn't help but stood behind a pillar and started tearing... My little one is so brave and independent. Didn't want to shatter his confidence because I was that slightly more emotional.
Hubby and I then headed to the canteen to wait just in case a phone call came my way. After an hour or so, i headed to the kindy premises to see if i could get a sneak peek. I stood outside the class only to see a well behaved boy who was enjoying himself in class. I'm definitely very very proud of you Baby R!!!
Mummy and Daddy Loves u more than you can imagine!!!
This morning was perfect. The weather was cool and slightly gloomy but I knew that he'll be okay. He was happy and excited for school. Took a shower then carried his own uniform to get changed and had his hair nicely comb before looking at the special sandwiches that mummy prepared for him in his brand new lunch box. Sandwiches shaped like stars and hearts for his special day. Took a few snapshots for memories and off to school we went.
We arrived early at the school and therefore got a parking lot. Walked him to the drop off point and through the health check point and off he was holding the teacher's hand. After a while the teacher guided him into the lift and off he was independently on his own with the teachers whom i have to trust will take good care of my precious. While he was brave throughout the entire process, mummy couldn't help but stood behind a pillar and started tearing... My little one is so brave and independent. Didn't want to shatter his confidence because I was that slightly more emotional.
Hubby and I then headed to the canteen to wait just in case a phone call came my way. After an hour or so, i headed to the kindy premises to see if i could get a sneak peek. I stood outside the class only to see a well behaved boy who was enjoying himself in class. I'm definitely very very proud of you Baby R!!!
Mummy and Daddy Loves u more than you can imagine!!!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Introducing Our New Bundle of Joy
Yes Yes! He's finally here, introducing Baby D.
Here's the birth story;
14th March: Abt 4:30pm was in the toilet and there i had it a bloody show. I thought it was the mucus plug as that point of time i wasn't sure of the difference. Started googling on mucus plug and hoe soon till delivery ... Apparently hours, days, weeks. Called the clinic as i wasn't sure what to do next. Sister Han gave me an appointment for the next morning 9am and to monitor for any contractions.
Drove over to Mum's to return the car and pick little R up. Arranged for hubby to pick us instead of driving home as i just wasn't sure... Felt excited yet worried.
On the way home i even had a drive through macs for supper. Had a quarter pounder with cheese, fries and and mango pineapple frappe. Even joked with hubby that this might be my last meal before delivery.
15th March 2013: 3am woke to head to the toilet as usual. This time something disn't feel right. Having on off cramps every 5 mins. Wasn't intense but i senses this was it. I knew what contractions felt like before so this was contractions.
3:30am: Woke the husband to get ready. Got mum to come over to baby sit sleeping Little R as well as ferry him to school that day.
4:30am: Checked into delivery ward. Placed under observation for about an hour. Dilated 2-3cm. Given enema to clear bowels the was moved to delivery suite room 3.
8:30am : Dr Tan arrived. Checked 2cm. Burst water bag and was offered breakfast. She mentioned still long way probably afternoon. This time i was a little smarter. Ordered the sandwiches for breakfast instead of the porridge as for no.1 i had porridge and by 6pm i was starving...
9:30am: Opted for epidural. Didn't even try the gas mask this time. Damn it was painful without the gas. Scream and shouted... Think the anestatist also scared of me.
11:15am : Started pushing and preparing for delivery. Could feel baby pushing down on my V. The pressure was a lot more compared to previous one as epidural was less dosage.
11:47am: DONE!!!
Here's the birth story;
14th March: Abt 4:30pm was in the toilet and there i had it a bloody show. I thought it was the mucus plug as that point of time i wasn't sure of the difference. Started googling on mucus plug and hoe soon till delivery ... Apparently hours, days, weeks. Called the clinic as i wasn't sure what to do next. Sister Han gave me an appointment for the next morning 9am and to monitor for any contractions.
Drove over to Mum's to return the car and pick little R up. Arranged for hubby to pick us instead of driving home as i just wasn't sure... Felt excited yet worried.
On the way home i even had a drive through macs for supper. Had a quarter pounder with cheese, fries and and mango pineapple frappe. Even joked with hubby that this might be my last meal before delivery.
15th March 2013: 3am woke to head to the toilet as usual. This time something disn't feel right. Having on off cramps every 5 mins. Wasn't intense but i senses this was it. I knew what contractions felt like before so this was contractions.
3:30am: Woke the husband to get ready. Got mum to come over to baby sit sleeping Little R as well as ferry him to school that day.
4:30am: Checked into delivery ward. Placed under observation for about an hour. Dilated 2-3cm. Given enema to clear bowels the was moved to delivery suite room 3.
8:30am : Dr Tan arrived. Checked 2cm. Burst water bag and was offered breakfast. She mentioned still long way probably afternoon. This time i was a little smarter. Ordered the sandwiches for breakfast instead of the porridge as for no.1 i had porridge and by 6pm i was starving...
9:30am: Opted for epidural. Didn't even try the gas mask this time. Damn it was painful without the gas. Scream and shouted... Think the anestatist also scared of me.
11:15am : Started pushing and preparing for delivery. Could feel baby pushing down on my V. The pressure was a lot more compared to previous one as epidural was less dosage.
11:47am: DONE!!!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
In a few days....
I've yet to mention this in my blog but in a few days time... we are going to grow from a family of 3 to a family of 4.
Through the 9 months of carrying baby junior, I've yet to mention him at all in the blog, perhaps the excitement may have dwindled having had the first but this doesn't mean that I love him any less. I'm really looking forward to the day you'll be out of my womb and into my arms where I'll be able to cradle you and shower you with lots of love.
I reckon having 1 kid and having 2 is rather different. Having 1 means that all attention can be focused on just that 1. Having 2 we'll have different issues to manage. I really do hope that Little R is prepared for his brother, so far we've been telling him positive things about having a brother and making him feel really good about being a big brother. He can't wait for the little one to come play with him his soccer ball.
Currently I do have some doubts if I can be a good mum to both equally. I've been so used to having just 1 little R and most of the time I'm exhausted already. Where am I going to find the energy for 2? However I know that a mother's love is the greatest in the whole wide world and I'll be able to handle it when the time comes. Just hope that neither will ever doubt my love for them.
With Love,
Mummy of Little R and Junior
Through the 9 months of carrying baby junior, I've yet to mention him at all in the blog, perhaps the excitement may have dwindled having had the first but this doesn't mean that I love him any less. I'm really looking forward to the day you'll be out of my womb and into my arms where I'll be able to cradle you and shower you with lots of love.
I reckon having 1 kid and having 2 is rather different. Having 1 means that all attention can be focused on just that 1. Having 2 we'll have different issues to manage. I really do hope that Little R is prepared for his brother, so far we've been telling him positive things about having a brother and making him feel really good about being a big brother. He can't wait for the little one to come play with him his soccer ball.
Currently I do have some doubts if I can be a good mum to both equally. I've been so used to having just 1 little R and most of the time I'm exhausted already. Where am I going to find the energy for 2? However I know that a mother's love is the greatest in the whole wide world and I'll be able to handle it when the time comes. Just hope that neither will ever doubt my love for them.
With Love,
Mummy of Little R and Junior
Sunday, January 27, 2013
5 Years and Counting...
This post is one day late but I'll still post it anyway. Yesterday was a special day to me because it was the day 5 years ago when i decided to get married and be committed to my then boyfriend and now husband.
The fire of romance will dwindle with age but I'm contented with what with have achieved as a couple to date. We are just like any other couple. Through the past 5 years, we've fought, argued, said things we've regretted but most of all we've loved. Love and commitment is what has seen us through the years and will see us through the lifetime.
I'll like to admit that I'm not the most religious Christian around but its often in my quiet moments like this that I'll like to take time to Thank God. I truly believe that everything that has happened in my life was all planned by HIM from the very start. Although it is said that we are made perfect by the potter's hand and in God's eyes, i know that I still have my flaws. The both of us are not perfect individuals but definately a perfect fit as a couple. In this lifetime I'm thankful for then opportunity given to work as a team to raise our kids in a place we call home.
We celebrates our anniversary with a massage followed by dinner and a musical. Musicals is something we both enjoy and indulge in. Yesterday is one of the rare few ocassional where we could let Little R spend the night at his grandparents and have a date night out. We watched Jersey Boys! I simply love date nights where time and focus is spent only on just the 2 of us.
The fire of romance will dwindle with age but I'm contented with what with have achieved as a couple to date. We are just like any other couple. Through the past 5 years, we've fought, argued, said things we've regretted but most of all we've loved. Love and commitment is what has seen us through the years and will see us through the lifetime.
I'll like to admit that I'm not the most religious Christian around but its often in my quiet moments like this that I'll like to take time to Thank God. I truly believe that everything that has happened in my life was all planned by HIM from the very start. Although it is said that we are made perfect by the potter's hand and in God's eyes, i know that I still have my flaws. The both of us are not perfect individuals but definately a perfect fit as a couple. In this lifetime I'm thankful for then opportunity given to work as a team to raise our kids in a place we call home.
We celebrates our anniversary with a massage followed by dinner and a musical. Musicals is something we both enjoy and indulge in. Yesterday is one of the rare few ocassional where we could let Little R spend the night at his grandparents and have a date night out. We watched Jersey Boys! I simply love date nights where time and focus is spent only on just the 2 of us.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Another heart breaking moment.....
Papa has been away for the past 5 days. He's finally coming home tonight. Yippee for me and baby R. Little R misses Papa lots. Been picking up the house phone to imitate calling his papa and blabbering "putehteh putehteh" lots into the phone (I think its his special way of saying I LOVE YOU, we are not sure where he picked it up from but he's been using his own language to say this for a very long time).
The start of the week has not been easy. As I have early morning classes on Mondays, I was unable to take Little R to school. After a 2 day break over the weekend, we started at square 1 all over again. There's the drama of handing him over to the teacher at the drop off point each day. He'll cry and struggle till his face is all red and teary and it breaks my heart to be there watching him being "taken" from me.
Today was no different. We woke, had our little conversations in bed before getting up for a shower and getting him changed into his uniform. After which he headed downstairs to the playroom to play his puzzle. After my breakfast, I went into the playroom to say "Okay dear, i think its time to go to school." and the reply i got was "no..... no school... market?" He was indicating that he wanted to go to the market instead of school. Day 4 and he's starting to not want to go school from inside the house. I managed to convince him to put on his socks and shoes and into the car. As we were driving to school, I tried to make the journey a pleasant one for him. Sang with him all his favourite songs and he was smiling away in the car. However the moment when I made the turn into the lane that lead to the school, he said "noooo... mummy noooo..." I had to tell him that I was going to follow him and wait with him for his teacher. While waiting I offered him a Yakult and spoke good things about the school as well as showed him how happy the kiddos were to attend school. There were many kids streaming in with their parents with smiles on their faces running and jumping happily. He was just sitting on my lap watching them and pouting away. Then came the time for the health check. He was slightly reluctant but still walked through the checked and followed the instructions. When the time came to hand him over to the teacher-in-charge, he started crying and struggling. The teacher had to carry him.While struggling he managed to fling off his school bag and school shoes. Although in my heart I know that he'll be fine after 10-15mins of crying in class, but at that point my heart literally broke. I became emotionally and started to tear.
While driving to the office, I thought to myself... was all that really necessary? Is it really going to be only a short term that he's going to cry and it'll all be better after a while? Is he too young for school since he only turned 2 like in nov last year? Why am I putting him through such agony? Sigh...
For now as my heart feels the pain my mind tells me that I can only wait and trust. Not only trust the teachers in school but trust that my little boy will adapt and school is good for him.
"Dear Lord,
This is my prayer to you. I'll first like to give Thanks for getting Little R a place in our desired school. It was a waiting game but we placed our trust in you and our prayers were answered. I'll like to now pray for Little R that he see the school as a place he can have fun and be independent. I pray that he'll enjoy school and the activities taught by the teachers. He'll make friends and have the love and want to go to school each morning. I pray for the morning dramas to end and that each car ride we take together to and from school will be a meaningful bonding time between parent/grandparent and child. I lift my worries unto the Lord and trust that you will always be watching over my child and our family.
In Jesus Most Precious Name
Amen."
The start of the week has not been easy. As I have early morning classes on Mondays, I was unable to take Little R to school. After a 2 day break over the weekend, we started at square 1 all over again. There's the drama of handing him over to the teacher at the drop off point each day. He'll cry and struggle till his face is all red and teary and it breaks my heart to be there watching him being "taken" from me.
Today was no different. We woke, had our little conversations in bed before getting up for a shower and getting him changed into his uniform. After which he headed downstairs to the playroom to play his puzzle. After my breakfast, I went into the playroom to say "Okay dear, i think its time to go to school." and the reply i got was "no..... no school... market?" He was indicating that he wanted to go to the market instead of school. Day 4 and he's starting to not want to go school from inside the house. I managed to convince him to put on his socks and shoes and into the car. As we were driving to school, I tried to make the journey a pleasant one for him. Sang with him all his favourite songs and he was smiling away in the car. However the moment when I made the turn into the lane that lead to the school, he said "noooo... mummy noooo..." I had to tell him that I was going to follow him and wait with him for his teacher. While waiting I offered him a Yakult and spoke good things about the school as well as showed him how happy the kiddos were to attend school. There were many kids streaming in with their parents with smiles on their faces running and jumping happily. He was just sitting on my lap watching them and pouting away. Then came the time for the health check. He was slightly reluctant but still walked through the checked and followed the instructions. When the time came to hand him over to the teacher-in-charge, he started crying and struggling. The teacher had to carry him.While struggling he managed to fling off his school bag and school shoes. Although in my heart I know that he'll be fine after 10-15mins of crying in class, but at that point my heart literally broke. I became emotionally and started to tear.
While driving to the office, I thought to myself... was all that really necessary? Is it really going to be only a short term that he's going to cry and it'll all be better after a while? Is he too young for school since he only turned 2 like in nov last year? Why am I putting him through such agony? Sigh...
For now as my heart feels the pain my mind tells me that I can only wait and trust. Not only trust the teachers in school but trust that my little boy will adapt and school is good for him.
"Dear Lord,
This is my prayer to you. I'll first like to give Thanks for getting Little R a place in our desired school. It was a waiting game but we placed our trust in you and our prayers were answered. I'll like to now pray for Little R that he see the school as a place he can have fun and be independent. I pray that he'll enjoy school and the activities taught by the teachers. He'll make friends and have the love and want to go to school each morning. I pray for the morning dramas to end and that each car ride we take together to and from school will be a meaningful bonding time between parent/grandparent and child. I lift my worries unto the Lord and trust that you will always be watching over my child and our family.
In Jesus Most Precious Name
Amen."
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